


First Love (Take Two)

by divassi



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Friendship Breakups and Makeups, IT Gremlin Alec Lightwood, M/M, Magnus Bane is Dramatic, Musician Magnus Bane, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Past High School Drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-09
Updated: 2018-03-21
Packaged: 2019-03-02 14:44:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13320357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/divassi/pseuds/divassi
Summary: Senior year of high school, Alec Lightwood fell out with his best friend, getting his heart broken in the process.Five years later, he hears Magnus' song on the radio.





	1. six words

Alec’s first love was archery.

Archery isn’t a person, Izzy tells him sometimes. It’s a passion, sure, but what about something that could love him right back? An actual person from the realm known as real life, which seems to happen outside of the apartment Alec never leaves other than of work and time at the range.

His first real-life, actual-person love is something he’d rather not think about, he always retorts. Izzy never pushes it- she knows how it all went down.

Not a one of them is liable to forget the open wound his heart became, or the time it took for it to scar over.

* * *

He’s at his day job when he first hears the song. It sounds familiar at first, fast-paced and pop-y and he idly wonders why while buried in the guts of a malfunctioning computer in his basement IT office.

Then he hears it.

The voice on the radio sounds older, deeper, but still recognizable. It’s clear in the way only something professionally produced can be- nothing like the phone videos he used to record on open mic night at Luke’s, equally shitty image and sound quality but full of laughter in the background.

His body tenses completely in a split second and he changes the station on the radio before he even knows what’s going on. It changes to a Christian Rock channel, and he listens to songs about Jesus while he wills his hands to stop shaking.

* * *

_Thunk._

Once, there was a boy named Magnus.

_Thunk._

Alec loved Magnus.

_Thunk._

Magnus didn’t love him back.

_Thunk._

The end.

_Thunk._

His last arrow was the only one outside the bullseye. It was almost off the target completely.

Alec sighs and goes to the target to collect his arrows, embedded deep in the straw. He’ll get it next time.

Never mind that he hasn’t missed like that in years.

* * *

He thought he was over it.

He types in _Magnus Bane song_ into Google, then deletes it.

Apparently, he’s not over it.

* * *

The origin of the tune comes to him one day as he sorts through his high school pictures in a fit of melancholy, not long after he first hears the song and subsequently avoids all radio stations that plays music from the last decade.

He’s looking at a pair of cat eyes set into a tiny face that he distinctly remembers taking at Magnus’ house, Chairman Meow still a kitten and absolutely entranced with the different sounds Magnus was capable of making. He remembers laughing more than usual that day, the way the Chairman’s disproportionately large head kept tilting from side to side with each change in pitch or volume. Magnus started humming a tune, and it became a tune Alec heard often under the other boy’s breath whenever he was engaged in a mindless activity.

Alec got accustomed to it, an everyday background noise that he even caught himself humming once or twice.

It’s weird to hear as actual music.  

* * *

Alec gives in, curiosity overwhelming former heartbreak and his vow to stop caring.

Alec has never been big about lying to himself- the vow was superficial in the sense that he’d never stop caring, but it helped to maintain distance, those first few years.

He goes to YouTube and stares at the still of the first result from _mangus bane_ \- the typo inconsequential as the search function spits out a music video from the verified account named _Brooklyn Warlocks_ (and, really, Magnus, _Brooklyn Warlocks_? That’s worse than some of Simon’s revolving door of garage band names back in school).

Alec doesn’t do pop culture, OK, so he hasn’t been keeping up with the who’s-who of modern day celebrities and he doesn’t know if they’re a new thing or if this group has been on the scene for a while.

A google search in another tab tells him that Magnus and someone named Ragnor Fell are a musician-producer pair who’ve been working together for the past three years.  

The video thumbnail itself almost overwhelms Alec, showing a close up view of Magnus as he stares off to the side, all eyeliner and blue hair streaks and glitter and-

He’s beautiful. Even more beautiful than what Alec remembers, sharp features carved where there used to be a layer of baby fat poorly hidden with terrible attempts at contouring until Izzy came in to save the day.

It takes him almost five minutes to hit the play button because he doesn’t want to subject himself to the success of the person who broke his heart so callously but he wants to see the success of his former best friend and his feelings are at war.

Alec doesn’t know what he’s expecting but at the same time he’s not surprised. The video is gorgeous, Magnus dressed to the nines as he dances around an empty club with only phantom partygoers in attendance. Another man (Ragnor Fell?) stands behind the DJ booth, and Magnus’ voice croons about partying to the admittedly catchy music overlaying the scene.  

Alec can’t tear his eyes away.

* * *

He watches the video six times before he catches the deeper meaning of the lyrics.

It’s not just an ode to partying- it’s how clubbing and being among people can make you feel less alone.

Magnus was feeling lonely when he wrote them.

That doesn’t make Alec feel as satisfied as he thought it would.

* * *

There are other less popular songs on the channel- apparently _Pandemonium_ is their first single to hit it big but they released an album two years ago titled _(_ _What Really Happened in) Peru_.    

Alec knows he shouldn’t but he spends his night re-watching every music video over and over again. He recognizes the inspiration behind several of them. Some are about sadder things like Magnus’ rich but absent father and his mom’s suicide, but there are also songs about exploring new places and having fun and even the one he heard on the radio which was apparently about the Chairman.

Alec doesn’t know if he feels relieved or indignant that there’s no song about him.

He takes a moment to reflect on how self-absorbed that thought is.

The only thing Magnus owes him is an apology, nothing else.

* * *

Izzy finds him on the floor of his apartment, still watching the music videos on his ancient laptop.

“Oh,” she says, and he looks up to her because that _oh_ was not one of surprise but of resignation.

“You knew,” he says, and it comes out more hurt than the accusatory he was aiming for. She winces, moving over to sit on the couch behind him.

Magnus is dancing on a beach with his cat on the computer screen in front of them.

“Yup,” Izzy says, “everybody knew. Knows. Whatever.”

Alec feels left out and hurt but not as much as he expected. He was a moody mess after the dissolution of their friendship, and he can see why his siblings and friends would be reluctant to bring up anything related to Magnus even now.

“You should have told me,” he says, dropping his head to her thigh as Chairman Meow gives them a thousand-yard stare from a throne fit for a king.

“I’m sorry I didn’t,” she says back, and Alec’s big brother senses are telling him that she’s telling the truth.

He doesn’t stop her from pulling up a makeup tutorial video after Chairman’s song is finished, and the video is only interrupted by her comments on the dude’s sub par technique. Within an hour Jace, Clary, and Simon all join them on the couch and floor around the laptop, and nobody says anything but there’s a small tension in the air as they watch anything from funny dogs to drag queens.

Alec looks at these people, his siblings and friends who stood by him in his hurt. They were just trying to protect him, and he gets that. He probably would’ve done the same, in their place. Not that any of them avoids pop culture like he does.

He forgives them.

He doesn’t tell them, though. They still deserve to sweat it out for a bit.   

* * *

Jace ends up dragging him to the kitchen to give him a wholehearted apology that leaves them both misty-eyed.

Alec drags him into a hug that evolves into a wrestling match, and they exit the kitchen with arms around each other’s shoulders.

* * *

Once it is determined that Alec won’t shut down at the mere mention of Magnus’ name, the others talk over each other to catch him up on Magnus’ life.

Nobody knows much about the in-between years, after Alec graduated and Magnus transferred to finish his senior year separate from the remaining Lightwoods and their friends. There were rumors, certainly- most suspecting a falling out between him and his dad, but Magnus kept whatever reasons secret from his post-Alec friend group. Alec knows for a fact that Camille and her crew knew nothing, because if they did they would’ve been unashamedly spreading the word rather than engaging in speculation that was quiet by their standards. He knows this because in the first year, when he was still hurt and angry, Izzy tried to talk to him about the goings-on in his old school. After he left the room enough times, she got the idea that 18-year old him was not nearly as emotionally mature as his 15-year old sister.

Wherever Magnus went, he popped up on the music scene two years later, his dad’s money nowhere in sight as he traveled with a beat-up guitar selling CD's out of a van with only Chairman Meow as a companion. A popular topic for Magnus in his interviews is his fateful meeting with Ragnor Fell, who apparently listened to Magnus busking for two hours in some park in LA before dragging him to his apartment to work on arrangements.

“It was like _Pretty Woman_ , only he was almost as broke as I was,” Magnus says in the interview Clary pulled up on her phone during Izzy’s explanation. Ragnor rolls his eyes on the couch next to Magnus, apparently infamous for his reticence in interviews. “But that’s how _Chairman’s Theme_ first came together- while I was eating pizza in a stranger’s studio apartment and wondering if he was going to kill me.”

Magnus earns a punch in the arm for that comment, and Alec can’t help the small snort that escapes him. Clary smiles softly at him for the display, and he can do nothing but shrug back at her.

Open wounds can only bleed for so long, and after the initial shock of finding out his first love is a wildly successful musician Alec has to admit that the all-encompassing heartbreak is more of a mild ache nowadays.

If Alec had Magnus’ way with words, he might say something about the scar on his heart shrinking and it’d be so beautifully put together that Izzy will cry and Simon will awkwardly hand her a wad of tissues as everyone else basks proudly in his character growth.

But he doesn’t, so he stays quiet.

After Ragnor basically kidnapped Magnus, it was only a matter of time before they got noticed. They drove all around the States, finding better and better gigs. They even managed to drive all the way down to Peru to perform in a music festival there, somehow getting themselves banned from the country with shenanigans that neither have shared with the public and referenced in the title of their first album.

Magnus has been spotted dating a few people since his fame started rising, both men and women, usually ranging from a few weeks to several months with several stretches of single-hood. Clary and Izzy speculate the legitimacy of a few that could potentially have been just for PR exposure like some celebs are known to do. Alec is honestly surprised he hadn’t dated anyone for over a year- he and Camille may have been on and off, but Magnus was a real romantic at heart back in high school.

Nobody makes any reference to Magnus dating Camille again, which is a huge relief. Alec is generally a very apathetic person, though he loves his family immensely and will most likely dislike people that he feel will hurt them (i.e. Clary, the first few weeks after Jace started waxing poetic about her). But Camille…

Alec has a shit list, and her name is the only one on it. Toxic bitch.

* * *

Everybody gets drunk after Jace decides to break into the emergency tequila stash he hid somewhere in the kitchen and Izzy brings out the vodka she also hid in there.

Moral of the story is that Alec should probably spend more time in his kitchen.

Anyway, they get drunk and play board games, laptop forgotten beneath the coffee table. Izzy and Clary are masters of Taboo and basically communicate telepathically to one another while Jace sweeps four out of five games of Rummikub and Simon gets more obnoxious with each loss (Alec takes the fifth game).

They play some Cards Against Humanity to wrap things up and somehow Alec goes from that to waking up on the couch at 9 am sandwiched by Simon and Jace, the latter cuddling him like an octopus from behind.

If only his 14-year old self could see him now, Alec thinks to himself as he untangles himself not-so-gently from Jace’s hold, who sleeps like the dead and won’t wake up unless slapped in the face after a night of drinking. He’s more exasperated than anything his horny, suppressed teenage self would have been feeling in this situation, and he has to take a pause to cringe at the kid he used to be.

He’s still not perfect, definitely, but thank baby Jesus he’s past that stage.

Alec stops by his room and sees Izzy and Clary knocked out in his bed as he grabs a change of clothes, jeans still on and makeup smeared, probably half-assedly wiped off before falling into bed. He snorts and pulls out two extra pairs of sweatpants as he leaves to take a shower.

He makes sure to take Izzy’s favorite face wash from under his sink and puts it in the shower next to her fancy shampoo.

He only briefly thinks about the fact that it used to be Magnus’ favorite, too.

* * *

The girls are the first to arrive to the kitchen where Alec is working the griddle, swimming in their borrowed sweats and eating more than half the bacon Alec had set out before either of the boys on the couch wake up. Simon stumbles in and grabs a ginger ale 15 minutes later, but manages to down some toast and a slice of bacon without running to the toilet. Clary leaves and comes  back with a still half asleep Jace, propping him on the stool next to her so he can attempt to shovel food in his mouth while basically unconscious.

Alec was planning on tossing water on him to wake him up if he was still asleep in an hour, but Alec is an asshole and Clary is a good girlfriend.

He watches Clary giggle as she takes a picture of her wreck of a boyfriend, pretty sure she’s going to post it to her Instagram with a caption making fun of the food all over his face.

Correction- Clary is a good girlfriend who can also be an asshole.

Everyone eats Alec’s food and gradually clears out, because it might be a weekend but they still have shit to do.

* * *

Alec is in the middle of teaching a few kids how to properly draw a bow when he checks his email during a water break.

He’s idly thinking about how the youngest kid of the group, a girl named Patricia, shows a lot of potential when he reads a subject line that makes his pulse jump.

_Brooklyn Warlocks- Thanks for your support!_

He clicks on the email.

_Hey there! We just wanted to let you know that we got your message. We wouldn’t be anywhere without your love and support and wanted to make sure to thank you for reaching out. We get so much mail that we’re sorry we won’t be able to reply to all of them personally, but rest assured that we appreciate you so much and will continue working hard at bringing you the music you deserve._

_Thanks again! ~ Magnus and Ragnor_

Alec reads over the message again, confused.

What the fuck did he do last night?

* * *

The next half hour is the slowest of Alec’s life, because he still has to teach tiny children the proper shooting stance while trying his damnedest to remember anything after the Cards Against Humanity game last night.

He only just manages not to sprint over to his phone after Patricia and her moms leave, and he sits right there on the floor as he opens his inbox back up because he is not as chill as he tries to pretend.

Since he received an automated response from the _Brooklyn Warlocks_ website, it must mean that he submitted something. An email?

He goes to his outbox and- yup. There it is. Addressed to fanmail@brooklynwarlocks.com, subject line: _to Mags._

Alec closes his eyes, huffing out a sigh.

* * *

  _I forgive you and I’m sorry_

* * *

 There’s no intro, sign off, or anything else past those six words. Despite that, Alec suspects that even if his email wasn’t a.lightwood@gmail.com Magnus would still know who wrote it.

Unless he made a habit of dropping his friends like hot potatoes, resulting in drama and heartbreak, but from what he was told and what he’s looked into himself Magnus is a celebrity that is lauded by friends and fans alike for being genuine and pleasant.  

Alec is thankful he didn’t go on a rant about how he felt angry for so long, angry at Magnus for choosing Camille and partying and drinking and drugs when Alec was right there, heart for the taking, ready to do whatever it took to help his best friend and secret love.

Angry for how his heart was ripped apart, in the living room of the house party he was trying to drag Magnus home from, Camille digging her claws in and tearing while Magnus laughed by her side, high out of his mind.

They stopped talking after that.  

* * *

It’s ok, though. It’s only slightly embarrassing. He didn’t go into his emotional turmoil and the long-term challenge of getting over the trauma of being outed and ridiculed in front of half his classmates while someone he thought was his friend didn’t do shit.

They probably don’t read any of the mail that’s sent in. Magnus will probably never see it- even if he did, it’s not like he’d think much about it.

He’ll probably just be reminded of an old former friend and move on.

* * *

Alec is walking to his truck when he’s struck with what his drunk self put in the email, somehow just comprehending the meaning of what he actually wrote.

_I forgive you and I’m sorry._

He’s honestly surprised to realize that the words ring true.  

Not the forgiveness part, because it’s been years and at the impromptu party yesterday he realized that teenagers are stupid. Not that it wasn’t mean or didn’t hurt, but it was something they could have moved past if they tried.

Alec was sorry he didn’t try harder. His hurt pride got in the way of mending bridges. Sure, maybe Magnus wouldn’t want to be his friend again, or maybe something else terrible could have happened to leave things in an even worse state.

But maybe they could have been best friends again. Maybe they could have even —

Alec stops himself there.

There’s no use in thinking about what-ifs.

* * *

**Alec**

_Did any of you hack my email last_ _night?_

_Attachment:1 image_

**Jace**

_HAHAHAHAHAHA_

_YOU DID NOT!!!_

**Clary**

_oh wow Alec_

_that’s really sweet of you_

_Jace don’t laught!_

_laugh*_

**Jace**

_gotta admit it’s a bit funny_

_dude is repressed about his feelings_   _for forever_

_and then decides that the best way to_ _deal with it_

_is to send his former bff fanmail_

_bc former bff is now famous_

**Izzy**

_Jace! Don’t be rude_

_I’m very proud of you Alec_

_I honestly don’t remember much of last_   _night tho_

**Clary**

_Same_

_It was fun_

_That’s all I know lol_

**Alec**

_Thanks guys_

_Even you Jace_

_Even though you laugh at my pain_

**Jace**

_you know i love you bro_

**Clary**

_Ew get a room_

**Alec**

_Haha he wishes_

**Simon**

_Shit sorry I’m late I was at practice and phone_   _was silent_

_Lemme catch up_

* * *

Alec drives home, makes dinner, falls asleep. Tomorrow he'll spend all day on his sofa watching Netflix and eating take-out after another morning archery session, and the next day he'll go to work to hole up in a basement and cuss at broken computers or their inept users. 

Rediscovering Magnus Bane is nothing more than an interesting footnote in his otherwise monotonous life. It's a good life, if boring, and at least his former friendship with a celebrity could be a talking point with a potential boyfriend if he ever agrees to one of Izzy's blind dates.

* * *

He almost doesn't believe it at first.

Six words. Eight, if you count the subject line.

The email takes up barely any room on the piece of paper it's on, originally stacked with all the others he insists his PR team prints out so he can read in his spare time. Usually an intern sorts the good ones from the not-so-good ones, and he suddenly feels so thankful that the young college student called out sick today because this almost certainly would have been tossed otherwise. 

She wouldn't have known that this is the most important message he ever could have gotten.

His fingers itch for a pen, for the beaten up spiral notebook dedicated to lyrics and poems about black hair and blue eyes hidden on a shelf in his closet back home.

That's in New York, though, and he's in London tonight to get ready for a show tomorrow. 

He makes do with a pencil and the email, scribbling half-started thoughts around the mostly empty page.

His name is Magnus Bane, and he has an apology to write. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone once said that you should write the fic you want to read and that really resonated with me.
> 
> I love fame/celebrity AUs of all types and I also love Malec so I combined them. This was supposed to be like a 2,000 word oneshot but we're almost at 4,000 and I have upgraded it to a twoshot. Yes I put a lot of breaks in there because the choppy kind of writing style really called to me for this fic so I hope it turned out alright.
> 
> Part 2 should be coming sometime in the next two weeks. College just started back up for me but I'm only a part time student this semester so I don't have any excuses if it takes longer than that lol. I wasn't going to post this until I was done but I just had the urge because I'm really proud of what I've written so far and I also crave that sweet validation.
> 
> Kudos is great, comments would be lovely, but all in all I hope you enjoyed reading this even if you choose neither! Criticism is also heavily encouraged and happily accepted. Thanks to my roommate for being my beta. No account to link to on here, but she's fantastic and I appreciate her a lot.


	2. crossed out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning- brief mention of past self harm idealization. Nothing happens but I figure it's better safe than sorry.  
> Also references to a past emotionally abusive relationship but no details.

Magnus’ first love was music.

Sometimes he swears that music loves him right back. It shows in the way that his compositions come to life, flooding pages upon pages of sheet music effortlessly. Same with his lyrics- sometimes it’s like he blinks and a new verse appears on the page, perfectly encompassing what he wants to say almost like magic.

It’s not that he doesn’t try hard, and he’s fully aware that not everything he’s made is great or even good. It took a lot of hard work and a ton of bad songs to get him where he’s at right now, bouncing around on stage in front of thousands of people who scream his lyrics right along with him.

When it comes to people, though, Magnus kind of sucks at love.

He’s really, truly, terrible at it.

* * *

Alexander Gideon Lightwood walked into his life on the morning of Magnus’ first day of his freshman year. He blinked his pretty blue eyes hidden behind a mop of shaggy black hair, and Magnus was a goner.

 _I want to be his friend_ , he thought, 14-year-old him not quite understanding the pull he felt because boys like girls, not other boys.

 _I don’t want to ruin our friendship_ , he thought, 15-year-old him pursuing the new blonde girl in his English class rather than risking everything just for a crush, the older boy still closeted to everyone but his siblings and Magnus.

 _It’d be better for him if we weren’t friends,_ he thought, 16-year-old him completely out of it as he and Camille watched Alec leave the house party, stone-faced in a way that meant he was trying not to cry.

 _I miss him_ , he thinks, 21-year-old him staring at the Instagram post Izzy just made of Alec drawing a bow. He likes the photo because according to his finsta he’s a young brunette woman who only posts nature shots of the places she travels with the exception of the one selfie in her first picture.

His stylist Catarina allowed him to post one of her old photos, before she dyed her hair blue.

The nature shots are all him.

* * *

Camille Belcourt was (and still is) a kind of beautiful that you didn’t often see in high school but is everywhere in celebrity culture. Singers, actresses, models, everyone looking out of this world beautiful but also somehow all looking the same. Tall, pale, skinny, platinum blonde perfect-face types.

Magnus avoids them all.

He realizes it’s unfair to everyone else who fits the mold, and most of them are likely really amazing people, it’s just that...

People that look like her bring him back to a bad time.

His therapist says that it’s okay.

He shouldn’t date people that make him feel uncomfortable, however unintentional.

* * *

Ragnor is fast asleep across the way, the private jet providing ample room for them to spread out around the cabin.

Magnus waits until he’s sure the other man is completely out of it before bringing out his battered notebook, retrieved three weeks ago when they made a short stop in New York to rest for a weekend.

The notebook used to be blue, where the cover used to be, but the bent and tattered old thing is without a front or back, only a loose collection of ruled pages struggling to stay attached to the metal spiral.

It’s long been filled, words on the pages so close together at points it can be difficult to read. The notebook is not at thick as it used to be, Magnus now regretting the nights where none of his words were working so he tore them out instead.

It doesn’t just contain lyrics about Alec- he’s not that pathetic, and even when he started this journal he accepted the fact that the friendship was over and that it was his fault. But it does contain a lot of stuff about that period in his life where he fucked everything up, and Alec was a big part of it.

Still, it’s some of his most personal work. It started as a way to process his feelings, his attempt at self-therapy, journaling about anything and everything he could think about when he was alone in his van with nobody else but the Chairman. Magnus has never liked writing straight-up prose, so his journaling presents itself in lyrics and poems and sometimes even doodled music notes for feelings he couldn’t even put into words.

Music is supposed to be something personal, and everything he’s ever created definitely has been, but he’s always thought that the shit he wrote in here would be just a touch _too_ personal to ever actually produce, that he’d hurt himself even more by revisiting everything over again.

Hell, he’s only ever mentioned the notebook to Dr. Jensen, who took it in stride and asked him if he was still journaling, her face as reassuringly mild as it always is.

He carefully places the old notebook back into his bag, tucked among the three other, newer ones.

* * *

Green, red, purple.

Good, bad, and everything else in between.

Magnus is proud to say the green one is the most full, purple a close second.

Blue is a retired color.

* * *

Ragnor caught him having a panic attack after seeing some people snort something at an industry party they went to, back when they were only slightly better than nobodies but managed to get in because the host was a friend of someone they sort-of knew.

The story came tumbling out of him, out of order and almost incomprehensible. Ragnor absorbed every word, quiet and considering, the both of them on the bathroom floor.

Ragnor dragged them home to their shitty apartment as soon as Magnus calmed down, not saying much but still standing steady under his weight, carefully depositing him into bed.

The next morning, there was a post-it note with a name and a number on Magnus’ side table.

_Dr. Madelyn Jensen - Psychologist_

He thought, and paced, and pet his cat.

He called.

* * *

Magnus didn’t used to think that men could be the victim in an abusive relationship.

He didn’t used to think there were types of abuse that aren’t physical.

He knows better now.

* * *

He didn’t start dating again until after Dr. Jensen. He slept around a bit, sure, but nothing more than a night. He was always safe about it and gone the next morning, leaving notes but never a number.  

Dr. Jensen helped him identify and challenge the source of his commitment phobia- a mix of not wanting to enter another abusive relationship and a fear that he’ll hurt someone else the way he hurt Alec in the past.

She didn’t assure him that there would never be another bad girlfriend or boyfriend, that he’d never hurt anyone else again, but she gave him tools to use to help identify the bad eggs and to regulate his own destructive impulses.

She made him realize that he could try again.

There was Imasu, then Axel, then Etta. They were the three that he really felt he had a chance with, after his first two loves didn't work out, one by self-sabotage and the other by abuse. He was at least a little bit in love with each of them, but they all left, for one reason or another, and Magnus honestly couldn’t blame them because why would they stay?

Dr. Jensen is still working with him on that.

Since Etta, who started talking about plans for a future that Magnus wasn’t ready for, there’s been a handful of stars and starlets that he stepped out with to fuel rumors for movies or albums and give himself more positive PR in the process. He has fun, and makes sure that whoever he’s paired with also has fun.

That’s enough for him.

He’s fine.

* * *

They’re hanging out in Ragnor’s room in their Paris hotel, Magnus feeling lonely and thus leaving his own room next door empty, sitting on one of the plush chairs while Ragnor reads a book on his bed. Ragnor, as always, treats him like a cat and doesn’t mind if he stays or leaves, if he needs attention or space, if he wants light conversation or serious talk.

Magnus is aware about how lucky he is, that Ragnor saw a future in the dirty teenager playing music for small change in a park in L.A. He’s even more lucky that they get along as well as they do, that they understand each other so perfectly.

“Hey, Ragnor,” Magnus says, and Ragnor sends him back a quirked eyebrow from behind one of the period romance books that he loves. He’s about to start telling him about the email, but he can feel his throat already swelling tight, anxiety keeping him from the the calm he wants to project.

“I’ll be right back,” Magnus says. He goes to his room, grabs his old notebook with Alec’s now lyric-covered email tucked inside, and walks back in less than a minute. Ragnor is sitting up, book set on the side table, a questioning look on his face.

His hands are shaking a bit and he’s sure his nerves are showing on his face, but this is Ragnor. His brother from another mother. His platonic soulmate.

Magnus was planning on just tossing it on the bed in front of the other man, but he can’t get himself to do it. Instead, he walks over and sits on the edge of the bed, gently handing it over.

Ragnor, the angel that he is, handles it just as gently as Magnus did, understanding its importance without Magnus needing to say a word.

“What’s this, Mags?” He asks, carefully looking at the words on the wrinkled first page.

“I have some ideas for our next album,” Magnus answers.

* * *

When he used to get really high, Magnus would wonder if he’d bleed out songs instead of blood because sometimes he felt so full of music that he was convinced there wasn’t room for anything else. His hands would itch for a knife, just to see, but then he’d think of his mom and it’d ruin his high for the rest of the night.

He misses some things, since going sober, but he doesn’t miss that.

* * *

It’s hard work. The notebook was filled years ago, and much of it is not nearly as brilliant as he remembers it being, all of 18 and convinced that every other song he wrote was a fucking masterpiece. Regardless, there’s a lot of good stuff, buried beneath the shit.

They carefully copy all of the good stuff and most of the mediocre-but-we-can-work-with-it stuff into a new notebook (pink, with Hello Kitty on it because Ragnor is an ass about the color coordination.)

They cut, and paste, and rearrange. Rip stuff up and start again. They make a ton of progress in 10 minutes and can’t come up with anything else over the course of the next several hours.

It’s consuming work- almost every free moment they have, one or both of them scribbles, hums, and puts together the beginning notes in the studio if they’re home in New York or LA (rarely) or on their laptops if they have celebrity obligations elsewhere (very often.)

“When should we announce it?” Magnus asks Ragnor one day a few weeks in, when it’s clear that they have more than enough material for a whole thematic album.

“Who says we should announce it?” Ragnor sends back, causing Magnus to laugh in surprise.

“And people say I’m extra.”

* * *

As much as Magnus is for being Dramatic and dropping an album without warning, there’s something important to consider.

He doesn’t care that that his history as an addict is coming to light- there’s always been on and off rumors about that, and by referencing those years himself throughout half of the songs on the album he’s already minimizing the damage, which would be so much worse if the rumors were confirmed by some other way.

He doesn’t care that Camille is probably going to try to get her 15 minutes of fame, selling her story to one of those gossip mags or websites, tearing him down to try to raise herself higher the way it always used to be. He’s got his friends and his music and his money and nothing she can say will ruin him.

He does care about Alec, though.

Magnus doesn’t say a bad word about Alec anywhere. If anything, he goes on endlessly about how wonderful and amazing the other boy is, how he’s basically an angel and didn’t deserve how Magnus treated him at the end of their friendship.

Basically, Magnus exposes his past self and just how much he loved his best friend.

But Alec never liked the spotlight. He left that to his siblings, Izzy and Jace, who shined so brightly it was hard for most people to look past them to their quieter older brother, beautiful in his own, understated way.

It’s been months since Magnus got Alec’s email and after the first few days he felt awkward responding, taking the cowards way out (as always) and just… leaving it be. Now, three-quarters of an album finished, forever-and-a-half since the initial email, Magnus feels even more awkward and unsure of what to do.

It took three whole sessions with Dr. Jensen to talk himself into doing the right thing.   

Magnus knows, in his heart of hearts, that Alec will likely feel hurt and betrayed if this is a surprise to him. It’s one thing to not contact an old former friend for years- it’s a completely different monster to basically air out all the skeletons in your shared closet for the world to know without knowledge or permission.

Which is why he’s staring at an empty email draft at 2 am, trying to come up with a way to start a conversation with the boy he hurt so badly, once upon a time.

* * *

~~_Dear Alec,_ ~~

~~_Hey Alec,_ ~~

~~_Dear Alexander Lightwood,_ ~~

~~_Mr. Lightwood,_ ~~

_Alexander,_

~~_Hi_~~ ~~_Hello_~~ ~~_How are you?_~~ _I got your email. I realize it’s been_ ~~ _a while_ _forever_~~ _months now, but I_ _wanted to_ ~~ _let you know_~~ _say thank you and that I_ ~~ _loved hearing from you_~~ _appreciate it very much._

 _Your note_ ~~_gave me hope_ ~~ _got me thinking back to_ ~~_when I was a complete and utter asshole_ ~~ _everything that happened. I realize that I never apologized_ ~~_or explained why I was such a complete and utter asshole_ ~~ _and I wanted to rectify that._

 _I’ve been completely sober for the past four years or so_ ~~_though I haven’t touched hard drugs since I transferred schools_ ~~ _and I’ve been attending therapy for three of them. I’m sure you remember_ ~~_the mess I was_ ~~ _how affected I was by_ ~~_Camille_~~ ~~_the drugs_~~ ~~_my dad_~~ _my bad decisions and Dr. Jensen has_ ~~_saved my life_ ~~ _helped me overcome_ _~~my demon~~ s _ _that dark time._

 _The reason I haven’t reached out to you before this is because I was scared_ ~~_shitless_~~ _. We were best friends and I_ ~~_loved you_ ~~ _treated you terribly, even though all you did was_ ~~_try to_ ~~ _help me._ _I ~~was afraid you saw me as a failure~~ __pushed you away because_ ~~_I just kept hurting you_~~ ~~_Camille told me to_~~ _I didn’t_ ~~_think I needed_ ~~ _want your help even though I can now see that I needed it._

 _I’m sorry_ ~~_and you don’t need forgiveness_ ~~ _too._ ~~_I should have said that in person, but I don’t know where you live anymore and Izzy would kill me if I asked her_ ~~ _I realize you already forgave me in the email you sent but_ ~~_I’m not sure how sober you were_ ~~ _that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t still apologize._

 ~~ _In the interest of being a better person_~~ ~~_At the suggestion of my therapist_~~ _While we haven’t been in touch for a few years, I also feel like I should_ ~~ _warn you_~~ _let you know that_ ~~ _I wrote you several songs_~~ _I’m planning on releasing an album within the next few months inspired by_ ~~ _everything I fucked up_~~ _when I lost my way in high school. As you were heavily involved in my life_ ~~ _before I fucked everything up_~~ _back then, there are_ ~~ _a lot_~~ ~~_so many_~~ _more than a few mentions of you, though never by name of course. However,_ ~~ _assholes who think they have the right_~~ _people from school might tell_ ~~ _gossip rags_~~ _journalists_ ~~ _shit they know nothing about_~~ _what they remember from high school, so I just wanted to prepare you for that possibility. I’m sure you’ll have no problem keeping a low profile if needed_ ~~ _because I tried to find you on everything and you’re not on any of them_~~ _, but I figured it would still be courteous to give you_ ~~ _a heads up_~~ ~~_warning_~~ _advance notice._

 ~~_Would you want to catch up over coffee, when I’m back in New York?_ ~~ _Don’t feel like you have to respond, if you don’t want to._ ~~_I would like you to_ ~~ _I just wanted to thank you for_ ~~_everything you’ve ever done for me_ ~~ _your email, apologize, and let you know about the album._

~~_I miss you._ ~~

~~_Love_ ~~

~~_Sincerely_ ~~

~~_Love_ ~~

~~_Yours Truly_ ~~

_Regards,_

~~_Mags_~~ ~~_Magnus Bane_~~ _Magnus_

* * *

It takes him three days to write and another two to send.

* * *

Alec sputters out his coffee when he first reads the email, staining his shirt but he quite honestly doesn’t give a shit at the moment.

It’s been the better part of a year since the drunken email he sent off one night, and he thought any chance of a reply had long past.

Quite honestly, he was relieved after a week of nothing but his usual emails (generally just spam) and then forgot about it outside the occasional reminder by his brain when doing nothing in particular- _hey, remember this idiotic thing you did?_

Alec isn’t sure what to do.

He’s not even sure how he should feel.

His heart is pumping like he just ran a race.

He wants to call Izzy but she’s busy at her photography internship and he doesn’t want to bother her.

_Don’t feel like you have to respond, if you don’t want to._

Is he reading too much into things or does Magnus want him to respond?

Maybe he should text her.

Should he respond?

Does he want to?

* * *

Izzy checks Instagram during her lunch break, and smiles at the first photo on her feed. _Magickat_ only ever posts landscapes, generally of nature or greenery found in cities, and according to her bio she’s quite the traveller.

Her newest picture is of an ocean, set against the sky, and both blues are exceptionally vibrant. It’s beautiful.

 _My favorite color_ , the caption says.

She likes it and scrolls past, but her phone buzzes.

Alec texted her.

Huh. Must be important, if it’s during work hours.

She clicks on the alert.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo so I did it! I can't remember if I posted on a Monday or Tuesday night so either I'm right on time with the two weeks or one day late. Which is better than my usual- the few other chapter fics I tried to write (and took down forever ago you won't find them it's been literal years) I waited months or just... didn't continue past the first chapter whoops. 
> 
> Also you may have noticed the lack of an ending. Because I was hit in the face by the plot fairy and there is now one more chapter to this ficlet. I promise it's just one more this time, there's not that much stuff left to hit. Magnus just had so much angst that I was not expecting at all. I promise he has a lot of fun and loves his life too but it didn't fit the tone of the whole chapter. Also his therapist was supposed to be a one-off "hey look at him all adult and taking care of his mental health" kinda thing but then she evolved. I named her after a friend. Hi Madelyn!
> 
> I was thisclose to actually going with the whole "Magnus drops a song/album without warning and Alec recognizes a lot of it is about him and that they love each other and they live happily ever after the end" plot line, but that's not real life. I mean, this is fanfic, so it's not real life either, but Alec got really hurt by someone he was close to and hurt doesn't heal easily even if there's forgiveness. I also wanted to show why Magnus acted the way that he did when they were younger without necessarily excusing him.
> 
> Don't worry they're still endgame! It's just gunna take some work on both of their ends.
> 
> Here's the un-crossed out email for those who want to read the email in it's entirety without the aesthetics of the crossed out bits attached:
> 
> Alexander,
> 
> I got your email. I realize it’s been months now, but I wanted to say thank you and that I appreciate it very much.
> 
> Your note got me thinking back to everything that happened. I realize that I never apologized and I wanted to rectify that. 
> 
> I’ve been completely sober for the past four years or so and I’ve been attending therapy for three of them. I’m sure you remember how affected I was by my bad decisions and Dr. Jensen has helped me overcome that dark time. 
> 
> The reason I haven’t reached out to you before this is because I was scared. We were best friends and I treated you terribly, even though all you did was help me. I pushed you away because I didn’t want your help even though I can now see that I needed it.
> 
> I’m sorry too. I realize you already forgave me in the email you sent but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t still apologize.
> 
> While we haven’t been in touch for a few years, I also feel like I should let you know that I’m planning on releasing an album within the next few months inspired by when I lost my way in high school. As you were heavily involved in my life back then, there are more than a few mentions of you, though never by name of course. However, people from school might tell journalists what they remember from high school, so I just wanted to prepare you for that possibility. I’m sure you’ll have no problem keeping a low profile if needed, but I figured it would still be courteous to give you advance notice.
> 
> Don’t feel like you have to respond, if you don’t want to. I just wanted to thank you for your email, apologize, and let you know about the album. 
> 
> Regards,  
> Magnus


	3. dragon girl

Izzy’s first love was her brother.

Before she realized it was actually really gross, she wanted to marry him because to tiny innocent toddler Izzy, marriage was the ultimate expression of love and she could never love anyone more than she loved Alec.

Alec was... dress-up and tea parties, kisses pressed to bandaged knees, reading Harry Potter together and patiently helping her through the hard words.

Alec was love, to little Izzy.

This love grows in the future, accepts Jace into the fold when he gets adopted into the family and immediately includes the baby in her mom’s belly the moment Max is first announced.

She’d burn the world down for her boys.   

* * *

 She’s three years younger than Alec, one year younger than Jace, and yet some days she feels like the older sibling.

With Jace, it makes sense- he’s still basically a child, and it’s an absolute miracle that he managed to snag someone as fantastic as Clary when he can hardly handle his own laundry.

But with Alec, he always acts older than his age, which tends to exaggerate their already three-year difference because Izzy felt no rush to grow up as a kid or even now, for that matter.

**Alec**

_Izzy_

_I got an email from Magnus_

_Attachment: 2 images_

_What do I do_

_Should I respond_

_Maybe I should just ignore it_

_Izzy_

_Please help_

However, there are moments like these that remind Izzy that no matter how mature her older brother might seem, he has the emotional maturity of a thirteen year old.

**Izzy**

_Hold up let me read it over_

What would he do without her?

(Become a shut-in, probably.)

* * *

Alec is an absolute mess the moment she walks through his apartment door, four and a half hours after his initial text.

To the casual observer, he doesn’t look like an absolute mess. He’s on his couch, hands clasped together with his elbows resting on his thighs as he stares at the laptop open on his coffee table. His face is smooth, perfectly blank, and honestly he looks like he could be in the middle of one of her fashion shoots if they included terrible ripped-up sweaters and dirty old sweatpants. He doesn’t look like he’s in the middle of a crisis.

However, the casual observer wouldn’t know that the one coffee mug on the table has held at least twice the amount of coffee he usually drinks in a day because that’s the one he brings out when he’s sick or feeling shitty and he always drinks more coffee on those days even though it’s bad for him. They wouldn’t know that he’s been sitting like that, staring at the incriminating email, for at least an hour and a half because that’s how long it’s been since the end of his own workday and there’s no way in hell he’s done anything else but get himself more coffee.    

She sees the way he blinks slow, breathing deep and calm and meditative and she knows that he’s stuck in his own head and has been stuck for a while.

“Hey, Alec,” she says, and he quickly darts his eyes towards her.

“Izzy,” Alec grunts back, and his body language and tone tell Izzy _I wish I didn’t tell you because I want to be alone right now but I don’t know what to do and would appreciate your help._

She takes his coffee mug and starts walking to the kitchen. The apartment is tiny enough that they can still hear each other clearly, so she doesn’t waste any time.

“Alright, Alec. You think of a response yet?” They determined over text that he was definitely responding. Well, she told him _no Alec you can’t just leave it there can’t you see he wants to hear back from you_ , but she knows better in these types of situations and her older brother knows it even if he doesn’t admit it out loud.

She rinses out the mug and fills a glass with water as he remains silent.

* * *

Isabelle Lightwood and Magnus Bane met when she was 12 and he was 14, the first friend from school that Alec had ever bothered to bring home to introduce to the family.

It’s not until she’s older that she realizes that Alec probably didn’t have any other friends to bring home, but that’s not important now.

What was important was that Magnus made Alec smile. His big smile, his soft smile, his why-are-you-so-dumb smile.

What was important was that she only ever saw those smiles around her and Jace and Max and nobody else, yet here was this new boy, only a few weeks into the school year, making Alec beam in a way no stranger ever can.

Izzy wasn’t perfect- she felt a little bit like she was losing something and wanted to guard her older brother’s smiles like she was a dragon and they were her horde- those smiles were for her and the rest of their siblings and _nobody else_.

But Izzy loves her brothers, and a part of loving them means letting other people love them too.

* * *

Alec isn’t hungover, but she follows the Lightwood Hangover Protocol anyway.

She watches as he drains half the glass of water with the Advil she dug out of his medicine cabinet for the caffeine headache he will have soon if he’s not already feeling it.   

Izzy then pushes him into the bathroom, ignoring his protests that he’s already showered. She digs out the loofah and nice-smelling body soap she bought for him and leaves him to relax while she deals with food.

Traditionally, the person enacting the Hangover Protocol is supposed to cook a nice breakfast (or dinner, in this case). However, Izzy is the exception to the rule after nearly burning down the kitchen while attempting to make cheesy eggs.

She orders from their favorite takeout place instead.

Alec must’ve needed that shower more than even she realized, as he finishes up right when the food arrives and appears in even rattier sweatpants than he was previously wearing. If she didn’t know they were his oldest, comfiest sweatpants, Izzy would give him shit for how threadbare it was.  

They eat Thai on the couch while Izzy talks to him about her day. She knows he’s actually paying attention when he starts asking about Meliorn, the photographer she mentioned being excited to work with last week, and she gushes about the experience.

Not a word is said about Magnus. They’ll get there soon enough.

* * *

After the initial introduction, Magnus was almost always at the Lightwood’s despite the fact that Izzy and Jace never left the two of them alone. Before Magnus, it was the three of them, always together all the time and neither she nor Jace wanted that to change.

She used to find it weird that he seemed happy that they kept popping up when he and Alec were hanging out together, Jace badgering them to play video games with him and Izzy begging them to let her practice her burgeoning makeup skills on them.

Magnus loved all of the looks she gives him, even her terrible first attempts at winged eyeliner and contouring, and he insists on taking a picture with her for each one. _For posterity_ , he would say laughingly, eyeliner wobbly and foundation two shades too light because she badgered her mom into letting her have the mostly-empty leftovers from her makeup bag.

Izzy felt her walls crumbling more and more each time, as she lets him take the mascara so he can wear something inconspicuous at school and he brings her foundations that match the both of them with a plethora of extras she’s determined to learn how to use.

They get older and the makeup gets better, their friendship strengthening throughout.

She watches her brother fall in love with their best friend, and suspects Magnus feels the same.

She doesn’t say a thing, because she’s only 14, they’re 16 and 17, and they have time to figure things out.

Until they don’t.

* * *

Alec is staring intently at his computer, slowly but surely tapping out a few words at a time even though neither of them really know exactly what to say. Izzy sneaks a snapchat, but decides not to send it to the rest of the gang because they know Alec’s trademark Serious Face and would be over in a heartbeat to find out what caused it.

Izzy is glad she’s there, at least. It’s not that Alec really needs the help. He’s a mostly-functioning adult who can handle himself, even if he gets a little stuck in his own head sometimes.

But Izzy loves her brothers, loves taking care of them, and she’s so happy that Alec lets her be his support.

It’s a little like a balancing act- she helps him sort through his emotions, he acts as her mentor and occasionally as her conscious.

They’re a solid pair.

* * *

Izzy wasn’t there that night.

She was there in the months before it happened, concern for Magnus growing as she saw him getting closer to Camille, spending less and less time at the Lightwood residence he once treated as a refuge.

She was there when Alec worried over unanswered texts and calls that went straight to voicemail, when he decided to brave one of Camille’s parties that he swore he’d never step foot in just to make sure Magnus was okay.

She was there when her brother came home, broken-hearted and barely holding together.

He broke down crying on her bed, her and Jace and Max piled on top of him like they could make the hurt go away through the sheer force of cuddling.

Izzy knew in the abstract sense what hatred was, but she thinks that was the first time in her life she truly experienced it.

Oh, how she hated Magnus Bane in that moment.

She wished they never know him.

* * *

“Sent,” Alec says, and Izzy smiles at the relief clear on his face as he shuts the laptop.

She doesn’t ask what the email said.

They have a Harry Potter marathon for the rest of the night.

* * *

Sometimes Izzy caught Magnus looking, the Lightwood siblings plus Clary and her tagalong Simon hanging out at one of the far-off tables in the corner of the cafeteria they claimed in the mornings before class started.

She would glare, a step away from breathing fire while everyone but Alec pretended not to notice her sudden change in demeanor.

She never worried about Alec catching sight of him- he was always looking down, eyes hidden by a curtain of hair.

Those days were not the brightest, back then.

* * *

Izzy notices that things change, over the next few weeks.

Alec smiles more.

Not a lot more- it’s still Alec, who owns two Grumpy Cat mugs because both Izzy and Jace got him one for Christmas last year since he is the human equivalent of Grumpy Cat.

But he uses his phone a little more, checks it more regularly and sends off more texts than usual, his mouth usually at least a little quirked if not set in a full-blown smile.

She thinks back to when she met Magnus, feeling like he was stealing smiles meant for her.

She feels more like an adult than she ever has when she realizes that she’s pleased that they seem to be working it out. She’s not quite sure what _it_ is right now, exactly, but it’s good.

She feels a flash of horror, as well.

* * *

Izzy gets drunk and eats a whole box of Pop-Tarts, confusing Alec with her muttering about how she’s not ready to be a grown-up yet.

* * *

The first time she saw him in a magazine, she nearly had a heart attack.

It was early in his career, just a small blurb in the corner near the back, him and his producer identified as rising stars in the industry.

She didn’t know how to feel- years had already passed at that point, and older Izzy was more aware of Magnus’ underlying personal issues affecting his behavior by way of Jace one night after he got really drunk.

Apparently he and Alec had promised each other to keep her in the dark about the drug habit and daddy issues and girlfriend problems- which was _rude_ , he was her friend too.

Not that said issues excused anything- oh _hell_ no, he still had no right- but if she knew maybe she would’ve tried just a little harder to reach out to him, to help.

But she just sent a pic of the article to the rest of their group, only a few question marks as her caption.

They all exclaim and say _what the fuck_ and google their stage name (even Simon cringes at _Brooklyn Warlocks_ , the hypocrite) but no one says a word to Alec about it.

The silence just becomes an unspoken agreement, after that.

* * *

Her 10 am class is supposed to start in fifteen minutes when she hears it.

“ _Brooklyn Warlocks_ just dropped an album! What the fuck?”

Only taking a second to process the words, she packs up her unopened notebook and walks right out.

Attendance isn’t mandatory, anyway.

* * *

It feels selfish of her, but Izzy didn’t just feel angry for Alec, after everything went down. She felt angry (and sad) for herself, too.

Magnus and Alec were best friends, sure, but Magnus was also her friend. The one she talked about boys with, and watched makeup tutorials with, and ran with because she wanted to join track as a freshman and he wanted to be supportive of that.

She didn’t tell Alec, or Jace, or even Clary, because she felt like the pain of losing a friend doesn’t really compare to the pain of losing a best friend and getting your heart broken at the same time, but…

Izzy cried a lot, back then, for Alec and also herself.

* * *

Izzy doesn’t go to Alec’s to listen to it, because for some reason she knows this album is going to be emotionally heavy and she knows he would prefer to be alone with the music at first.

She returns to the apartment she shares with three other girls. The album downloads on her walk home and she walks right past Maia asking her why she isn’t in class to shut herself in her room.

It’s… an experience.

She finds herself crying more often than not, even when the song playing isn’t sad because it perfectly captures everything she remembers. It’s about _them_ , not only Magnus and Alec but also Izzy and the rest of the group, the good times and the bad. Even Camille has a significant part to play, though Izzy is happy to hear that it’s definitely reflecting on her negative influence.

There’s a song about her, and it makes her feel selfish that she’s happy the album isn’t all about Alec because she and their other friends were there, too. But he sounds so fond when he sings about them hanging out together, and regretful when he recounts her glares.

For all that Magnus included other people as inspiration, though, there is no mistake that this album is all about Alec.

Hell, it’s even titled _A Light in the Dark_.

She wonders if he’s heard it, yet.

* * *

Alec is blown away. He’s on the floor of his living room, music blaring, and he hears the story of him and Magnus from the beginning to what they thought was the end and beyond.

He always thought his first love was unrequited, especially considering the dramatic way any hope of being with Magnus was destroyed. Hearing the story from Magnus’ point of view was enlightening, and he starts to realize that maybe his first love wasn’t so hopeless after all.

**_Mags_ **

_So do you like it?_

**Alexander**

_I love it_

_…_

_We should meet up soon_

_When’s the next time you’re in New York?_

* * *

**Alec**

_We're meeting up_

_It's not a date, we're not ready for that_

_But it's something_

Izzy laughs out loud, pretending the tears in her eyes were from the music that stopped several minutes ago.

It's about time something good like this happened to her brother.

He deserves it.

* * *

Alec double-checks the apartment number three times before knocking, despite being buzzed into the building by the same apartment number.

He felt like his heart was going to stop when he heard Magnus’ voice over the radio. He thinks his heart might actually stop in the next minute, the anticipation rising as he waits for the door to open.

It does.

Alec finds himself staring at Magnus, older and different but somehow also exactly the same as he remembers.

He sees that Magnus is staring in return, and stands a little taller.

Alec wants to hug him, to kiss him, but also punch him and shout because it’s been months since they started talking and being friends again but there is a small surge of anger at seeing Magnus in the flesh that he wasn’t expecting.

“Hi,” Alec says.

“Hey,” Magnus says back.

It’s a start, at least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M NOT DEAD!
> 
> Sorry this took so long, but a lot has happened. I spilled tea on my laptop and neglected to take it to get fixed for weeks because I have a desktop and wasn't super concerned but I also didn't realize I do like all of my writing on my laptop between classes and didn't feel like writing much when I got home, which killed my creative productivity lol.
> 
> Also my car got wrecked. Don't let your roommates drive your car, kids! Accidents happen, I'm not mad and everyone is ok, but the worry from that + the stress of looking for a new car = even less desire to write! Losing my car like this could've been really bad, but after the insurance deductible my parents gave me the rest of the money from the totaled car towards my new car, which I could afford because I have a great job lined up after college! So this new one I have is actually mine (technically my dad is a co-owner, since I don't start working until July, but still!)
> 
> On a happier note, I also went on spring break to a beach for a week and that was a lot of fun, though my laptop was still broken and thus I was unable to be productive even if I wanted to.
> 
> For some reason when reading fic for another fandom (SKAM, if you're curious) I suddenly had the urge to finish this chapter. It was sitting pretty at 1,700 words so I added an extra 1,000 or so to get an ending I'm satisfied with. I don't love it, but I really wanted to finish because I was already thinking of another Malec AU and didn't want to start that without ending this one.
> 
> Wow I'm actually really proud I finished this. And I just wanted to shout out to all you lovely viewers out there, especially those that commented and gave kudos! I appreciate every encouraging word and it makes me feel even prouder of this thing I made. I'm happy to share this with you and I hope you guys enjoyed reading it as I did writing it :D


End file.
